The More Things Change...

I knew that my request for help downloading photos would meet with some serious eye rolling. I just wasn’t prepared for it to come from my twelve year old. It has long been clear to her, and to her older brother and sister, that I am the most technologically challenged member of our household. My ineptitude is composed of equal parts incompetence and disinterest. And I take little comfort in knowing that I am not the only such parent, a floundering “technological immigrant” outnumbered and often outsmarted by the twelve and fourteen and sixteen year old “technological natives” under my roof.

Observing the ways in which my children deftly navigate any device that requires recharging or rebooting intimidates me. They scorn instruction manuals and can troubleshoot almost any computer glitch I throw at them in a way that borders on organic. They live in a world that I struggle to keep up with. It is the only one they know. And this world affords them more autonomy, more privacy, more unfettered access to more information than I could ever have dreamt of as a kid. Sometimes it seems as if the best approach to take with them may simply be the path of least resistance; admit that they inhabit a mysterious world, step aside, and hope for the best.

This seems to be a rather popular mode of parenting these days. Really smart, loving and well-intended adults I know seem to feel that they have become somewhat superfluous in their children’s lives. They are intimidated by a savvy and sophistication their kids exhibit that is well beyond their years. But I am being led to a very different conclusion.

My suspicion is that while much has changed, much more has not. Increasingly rapid technological advances have dramatically impacted the way in which we navigate life, but I know that the human brain has not been rewired in a generation. So, if we as adults find it challenging to assimilate the onslaught of information and technological advances impacting us every day, how much more confusing must this be for our children?

This brave new world may be here to stay, but finding support and guidance to help me as I attempt to help my children utilize technology in healthy and positive ways can feel elusive. I am having a hard time simply finding others willing to question the premise that if it’s all out there, it must all be okay. It seems to me sometimes as if the technological tail is wagging the dog.

It also seems to me that parents have a bigger job now than ever, as we are called to help our children reconcile the unrelenting world around us with the space we all need to grow and just to be. But we must be willing to engage with our children in new ways if we hope to come along side them in helping to make healthy, discerning, intentional choices.

There is no roadmap for this because we are pioneers. We must be willing to envision something altogether new. The days of “Father Knows Best” are long gone. But the importance of being a credible presence in our children’s lives has not. At the most basic level I think that we must be willing to remain connected, to be present, and to be honest enough to concede that we do not have all the answers.

Perhaps just a willingness to ask the hard questions is a good place to start.